love me a new moon

oh my gosh, i am so tired. we're on day 2.5 in nyc/bk and it's been a sweet and magical time here, though jam packed with loved ones and inherently more exhausting than being in the mountains or forest or anywhere else we've been, really. and tomorrow, we are headed to boston, my old home!

i am really coming up against trying to see all the people i care about in this part of the country and struggling to admit i don't have the time nor the energy to do it all. i am very loyal to chani nicolas' weekly horoscopes, and she spells it out clearly for me this week: "You may need to redirect your energy and use it for more intimate relationships. You may need to promise your self, your efforts, your support and your allegiance only to what helps you feel alive and fits in your schedule." easier said than done, but i am working on it!

this blog has taken a backseat as free time becomes scarcer -- since i personally last wrote, we've been at twin oaks, and in richmond, shenendoah national park, washington DC, and philly. honestly during these visits, i'd largely been trying to rest up for nyc and boston. the shenendoah cabin eli wrote about was incredibly dreamy and a much needed bit of serenity and solace in a beautiful and isolated place. i've been to dc at least half a dozen times, and i still don't care for it much, but i do love the greenspace, the sunsets, and spending time with my old friends natalie and max, who've been there for the past four years and are now preparing to move back to natalie's (and my) hometown of portland, oregon.

philadelphia was a very sweet albeit brief time with owen and chris, the former of whom i met a few years ago when his band my gay banjo would play shows at my old house in boston. eli and i split our one full day in philly at both owen and chris's inspiring work.

chris manages the community farm and food resource center in southwest philly which includes youth & adult education programs, garden plots for neighborhood families, and a strong emphasis on urban Black folks re-learning and drawing upon the wisdom and knowledge of previous generations of farmers and people who grow food. something chris said that stuck out to me was emphasizing that the education is not just to give expert knowledge to the neighboring residents, but to trust that they have their own knowledge and abilities to share with the farm and its community. 

owen manages roughwood seed collection, a prolific seed library in devon, pa, where he has been for the last four years and which has recently become a more sustainable situation for him. he quotes the POC-led seed keepers collective as part of his motivation for his work: “A Seed Keeper doesn’t just save seeds and store them; they carry the stories of culture and history, power and struggle, and perseverance of our communities, and have an eye on and a hand in the world that is coming into being.” - Seed Keepers. we ended our day in philly at a last minute seed packing gathering, where many of owen's friends showed up to help him fulfill a surge in seed orders. 

and now... we are in new york! eli and i split up to do our own things with friends for the first couple nights, and together we saw fun home on broadway (complete with an experience of getting gender-policed on our way to use the restroom -- at a show based on a queer person's queer memoir. you can't make this stuff up.) i spent last night at silent barn, an inspiring community/art space and collective in brooklyn's bushwick neighborhood, where my old friend liz pelly and my new friend dandy hosted a sober queer crafting potluck to gather with friends. it was really, really sweet, and the conversations i had were really enjoyable, and so i stayed up til 1am (way past my bedtime), and to re-state the beginning of this post... i am very, very tired. 

i don't have pictures of everywhere i wrote about here, but here are a few!

xoxo freddie

seed packing party in philly

fun home on broadway

times square, the last place i imagined being with the last person i imagined being there with

my "craft" from the potluck, the hanging fragment that continues to propel me...

, 

Sister Family

A bit of a late but sweet update from our time in Richmond, Virginia. It was so lovely to see my sister Sadie and her to-be hubby Leo at their home with my favorite dog niece Patterson! We had a fun time walking around town, playing with Patterson, and eating cheeseburgers and ice cream. Then my other sister, Rachel arrived so we all got to hang out and play Yahtzee together! (And watch Magic Mike XXL) So ridiculous...

Rachel got a 5-5-5-5-5 YAHTZEE and Patterson was very excited about it.

Then Freddie and I went and stayed in the dreamiest cabin in the Shenendoah National Park. Sadie is a member of the Potomac Appalachian Trail Club so has access to these isolated rustic cabins for $25/night! It was a really nice time for us to rest, rejuvenate and connect. We harvested wood for a fire to keep us warm, collected spring water, and otherwise laid in the sunshine, talked, played music, and had a sweet time.

We returned from the cabin and I had a somewhat drastic transition to my sister Sadie's bachelorette party in D.C. The party element wasn't my thing (not a shocker) but it was so special to be there with her and celebrate her life and love. My sisters and I lead such different lives, and I am so grateful for the many moments and ways they intersect and we get sustain beautiful relationships.

No comment necessary, right? Lol.

Rachel, Sadie and Me

We are now about to leave Philly and head to NYC. Its a time of the trip with lots of big cities so things are moving fast! We will write an update about our precious time in Philly soon....

-
Eli

Goats and Cows Oh My!

We headed over to Durham, NC from Asheville and spent a couple days with Freddie's friend Jessica Lee (see Freddie's post below). We went to a pop up fair and rode on the swingy ride! I really enjoyed being there and getting to know Jessica Lee.

From there, we drove out to Efland, North Carolina where my friend's partner lives at what they call the "Homostead".  (Pictures below) Home to 3-5 humans, many cats, a couple dogs, goats, ducks and a bazillion tiny tadpoles in the pond! It was gorgeous with lots of red bud's blossoming and spring coming alive. (Happy Spring Equinox!) I enjoyed being there in the deep peaceful quiet, cozy next to the fire, and walking through the woods. I also got to talk to my friend about their process of acquiring the land and hear some of their thoughts on rural living and queer land projects. I took lots of notes and have a lot to process from our conversations :-) So nice to meet someone who is really on the same page politically and is living a life of natural beauty, connection and community.

Then we went to Twin Oaks in Louisa, Virginia which was fascinating. They are one of the big names when it comes to "intentional communities" in the United States. They have been around since the 1960's and currently have about 100 members. They are a member of the Federation of Egalitarian Communities. The most interesting part about this community is their labor structure. They have 3 large businesses: Hammocks, Tofu, and Seeds (Hippie much?). They also have smaller businesses like book indexing and ornamental flowers along with the house labor (childcare, cleaning etc.) that is also counted toward their hours. The commitment to valuing domestic and reproductive labor and compensating people equally for this work was definitely my favorite part of this place. (Freddie's favorite part was the cows) Everyone is required to work a 42 hour work week (including domestic work, community facilitation, and other non-traditional forms of "work") and in exchange they are provided with all of their basic needs: food, housing, healthcare, transportation and a small monthly "allowance". The fact that people have this security and are able to trust that these needs will be met is amazing. One of the issues, financially, is that you do not build any equity so you are essentially stuck there since if you leave the community you don't have any capital...and most people don't leave at all while they live there. Seems claustrophobic. And it definitely shows because it kinda feels like you are walking into a commune that started in the 60's and hasn't changed much since. I'm sure this is reductionist, and I am still in the practice of holding contradictions and trying to learn from places even if I don't totally resonate. Aaaaannnd, Twin Oaks was just weird. Aside from our host, people were not very friendly or open. Several people in the kitchen were talking about "trans-racial", and one white woman was saying how she identified as transracial and was complaining about her transgendered friend who didn't think this was the same as their trans identity....These are the kind of racist, transphobic conversations I try to think don't exist, but here they are, happening in the communal kitchen at Twin Oaks. The cherry on top was when someone told us that the room we were staying in is usually empty not just because of the mold, but because several people have committed suicide in there. Sooo....we left. There is a lot more to say about this place, but that's about all the energy I have left to talk about it!

Freddie's Best Friend

On our way out, we visited another nearby community, Acorn, which a bunch of folks who branched off from Twin Oaks in the 1990's and started as an anarchist, feminist community. They are home to Southern Exposure Seed Exchange and see their work with seed keeping, farming and community as an activist project. They do not have a labor structure, and have much more fluidity in how things run there and it seems to be working well for the people who live there. We mostly hung out with the baby goats and talked to a few people but then couldn't resist driving the 45 minutes to see my sister Sadie!!

Now we are in Richmond, Virginia staying with my sister and lots more loving family updates to come soon!

Xo,

Eli

an abundance of chosen family, and finding my voice again

dear friends, long time no blog. we've been in beautiful north carolina for a little over a week now, after spending a week in and around asheville with eli's chosen family, staying a couple nights in durham with my old friend from boston, jessica lee, and now landing in efland (not far from durham) with jess, the sweetie of one of eli's close friends. it's all been pretty lovely.

we've been eating and sleeping pretty well (considering we're on the road) thanks to the generous hospitality of so many caring people, and our own intentionality in getting our needs met and aiming for sustainability on this road trip. one thing i am struggling with as far as road trip life goes, is carving out time and space to exercise. yeah, i've broken out the jump rope and free weights a few times, but it's definitely a challenge to get substantial rigorous exercise as i prefer to, and i feel that lacking in my body and in my brain chemicals. tips for working out on the road welcome!

one way i have been very fulfilled in the past few days was playing music with jessica lee. we used to play together a little bit in boston. playing music has been a pretty significant part of my life since i was 14, but as i've expressed to those close to me, i've found it challenging to tap into my creativity the past year or so, since getting sober. getting sober has been a huge blessing and provided a lot of opportunities for some serious examination, and i've found myself less gregarious, more reserved, and less naturally performative than i used to feel, which has translated into me feeling less connected to and less comfortable jumping into music. but, something clicked when i got to sing and play with jessica lee this weekend, and it felt amazing! we just did a couple covers (sink florida sink by against me, and barnacles by laura stevenson) but it was so fun and felt really healing and at-home to be belting out and harmonizing together, to take up space with these songs. i'll share them here, if you're interested...

in durham, i also got to meet up with some family i hadn't seen in as much as 15 or so years! including my one and only first cousin, josh, with his mom, kersten, and my cousin (once removed? is that the right thing?) mariann. the first and last time i saw josh, he was a tiny baby, and the last time i saw mariann, we were visiting NYC with her mom, my dear and departed aunt anne, and i was reportedly hellbent on the three of us getting on the top of the double decker tour bus, even though it was storming. and, mariann's memory was clear, she got thwacked by a tree branch as we touristed through. and has kept on loving me all these years, regardless! it was really sweet to connect.

moving backwards in time, asheville was really lovely, as was visiting eli's previous home of earth haven eco-village. it was really cool to interview mana, our host and eli's dear friend, for my "home" project, and really inspiring to hear about the culture and community she experiences at earth haven. she described how when she was flying back and forth between there and her native holland to visit a sick friend, she didn't have to worry about childcare or dealing with pressing financial matters, and how she didn't have to cook a meal for at least three weeks after giving birth to her second child (which happened in her living room). it seems so natural to support and care for each other, and share resources in the ways mana described, but i haven't found capitalism/city living lending itself to that natural and beautiful way of being in community. i know lots of city folks have worked hard to build alternative communities and create exceptions to the rule, but the social, economic, and logistical barriers remain. wherever i am, i would love to be a part of creating and contributing to a culture of mutual aid like mana described.

i'd been to asheville before, last may, with eli and a couple friends, and it felt familiar enough to return. it was again special to be in a place that feels like home to eli in lots of ways, and get to know their chosen family even better, through the nature walks, nourishing meals, beyonce viewing party, and rounds of yahtzee and dixit eli wrote about below. i also got to spend a lot of time with a close old friend of mine, erica, who i originally met via myspace about eight years ago and who has since become my sister as we've spent time in boston, portland, new york, and now north carolina. it's special to have a few relationships that see me through what feel like several different lifetimes, and be able to support and celebate the growth between and amongst me and my chosen family.

tonight, we're staying here in efland at jess's dreamy home in the woods, complete with dogs, cats, ducks, chickens, and sweet shaggy goats. tomorrow we head north to virigina to visit a cluster of intentional communities up there before staying with sadie, leo, and patterson, eli's sister, future brother in law, and furry niece! very excited for that. if you've gotten this far, thanks for keeping up with my touchy feely thoughts and examinations. and, happy birthday dad!

xoxo freddie

Home Away From Home

We spent the past week in Asheville, North Carolina where I lived for close to 5 years. We were staying with my friend family Jenna and Carleigh at their cute farm house. It was a treasure being there and feeling a deep sense of home, trust, and community while on the road. I still have such a strong connection to those Blue Ridge Mountains and some of my favorite people and plants that inhabit them. We also spent time at the Eco-village I used to live at an hour outside of town. It was great to be there and show Freddie what my life used to look like. Also, they are in the process of restructuring their community into neighborhood coops. I was excited to hear about this transformation and going to continue tracking their progress as they figure out a new, inspiring model.  While we were in town, we made sure to get some delicious 12 bones barbecue, go to Catawba falls, ride on the Blue Ridge Parkway, eat and giggle (a lot) at the chocolate lounge, walk along the river, have a stretch party, play yahtzee (multiple times), have fun fancy beverages at crow and quill, watch the entire Beyonce video album, feast, and generally just have an amazing nourishing fun time all together. Below are some pics from our time there...
 

Carleigh, Eli and Freddie

Carleigh and Eli at French Broad River

Erica and Freddie

Eli and the kiddos at Earthaven Ecovillage

Mana and the family home at Earthaven Ecovillage

Catawba Falls!!!

Eli, Luka (Buba), and Max...I was shocked to see how much they have grown!

Breakfast at Early Girl Eatery (Thanks Mom!)

Chocolate Orgasm Cake with Hand Whipped Cream :-)

Carleigh and Danielle <3

Freddie and Erica in Asheville

We are in Durham now staying with Freddie's old friend Jessica Lee. It has been nice to be here and get to know her, including hear her play trumpet which I am hoping Freddie will post along with some of the music he played with Erica in Asheville. So good! Tomorrow we are heading to another friends place in Elfand who has a small queer land project...and then onto Virgnia!

Xo,

Eli

Land Project Report Back

 The Farm. Summertown, Tennessee

We made a short stop at a place many know as one of the original "hippie communes" of the 1970's. It is really fascinating to learn about this history, and very clear it is a vision of a group of hippies from the 70's and not my vision for the kind of community I want to create or live in. The Farm is inspiring in its sheer magnitude and length of time it has been around. They originally purchased 1,000 acres for $70 an acre, and later purchased an additional 750 acres for $100 per acre and had up to 1600 people living on the land! Impressive. After about 10 years of working through the difficulties of communal living and different forms of income sharing they "decollectivized" and many people left due to disillusionment and not being able to support themselves. They now have 150 people living on the land, working at a book publishing press, eco-education center and other small industries on the farm. Learning more about the farm was definitely a practice of staying open and not letting my judgement shut down the entire experience. But I don't know. The more I learn about it the more unwilling I feel to compromise. How can I glean and learn from a community when their values are fundamentally different, when the core of their project is in direct contradiction to my politics?! For example, Ina May Gaskin is someone I looked to in my early years of being a doula. She inspired me, and many birth workers, to understand birth as a sacred and safe experience that all "women" deserve to have in the comfort of their own home. However, I recently learned that birth control and abortions were not allowed at the farm and instead they offered for every baby to be born with the support of free midwives and to find a family for that child. Wow. Not my vision of reproductive justice. Also, their founding agreements and beliefs such as: "We believe that vegetarianism is the most ecologically sound and humane lifestyle for the planet, but that what a person eats does not dictate their spirituality." or "We believe that inner peace is the foundation for world peace." There is so much I could say about these things but basically, I just don't jive with their dogma, or any dogma for that matter. I don't need to get on my soap box about the actual impacts of vegetarianism vs. omnivores on the planet, nor do I need to get into the limitations of seeing your own self-work as the end not just one of many means to social transformation...If you are reading this, or know me at all, you have probably already heard my shpiel ;) Last thing I'll say, is that when Freddie and I were talking to someone at the welcome center, she told us they have a total of 3 gay people on their land....okay, cool. Agh. I'm really not trying to hate on the Farm. I have been wanting to go there for years. I am just left with a lot of questions and a deep longing for more history and models of communal living and collective land projects that address and counter oppressive society rather than reproduce it.

Idyll Dandy Arts. Dowelltown, Tennessee

 

It was a relief to arrive at IDA. We had been there in June before Idapalooza last year which was fun but this time we got to spend more quality time there and get to know the land and the people a bit better. I appreciate that the space exists as "a safer space for queer, trans, and gender non-conforming people with varying experiences, identities, and abilities". I really felt that intention being on the land and could see the many ways people were grappling with living into these commitments. IDA is in a time of transition after having a lot of their oldest members move off the land last year leaving leadership and general maintenance of the land and community to newer and younger folks. Another thing that is interesting about IDA, and several other places in this network, is that they are a 501(c)3 non-profit. There are so many advantages and disadvantages of structuring community this way, or any way for that matter. It seems like having a non-profit is one way of collectivizing and not having any single owners or bosses. However, there are limitations if you are trying to challenge capitalism within such an institution. Whether its searching for funding, or board politics, there are a lot of things about the non-profit industrial complex that can actually hinder the work we are trying to do and the impact we are trying to have. That said, IDA has been around for a while, and throughout their many changes they have remained an important space for queers all around the country.

Another awesome and somewhat unique thing about this area is that there are several different queer/radical communities within 30 miles as well as other neighbors who are part of the broader community.

Cultivating community in rural spaces can sometimes be difficult but it feels totally vital. Isolation and boredom are the biggest struggles I had when I was living rurally; and having people I love around not only helped me survive physically (i.e. helping with firewood, growing food etc.) but also emotionally through deep connections and intimacy. One of the things living on a farm/rurally reminds me is that we are interdependent with each other and with the planet in a tangible way. It is not some woo-woo spiritual philosophy. We need each other. And when we remember that, we restore our collective dignity and mutual relationships.

The Highlander Center. New Market, Tennessee

 

This is a another place I have been wanting to come for years. I got to sit down and talk with someone on staff and ask some questions about their history, structure and organizing. I am inspired and intrigued by their contributions to social movements over the past 70+ years. One of the things I like about their model is that they invite groups to have retreats/meetings at their center and either (a) fund them entirely (b) find donors to sponsor that specific group (c) request fees that subsidize other groups with less resources ability to access the center. Also, part of what they do there is bring together groups that are working on social and environmental issues that are connected. For example, a group of coal mine worker organizers with environmental justice groups fighting coal and mountain top removal. I love the idea that there is a space designated for cross-movement building and strengthening our struggles together. I have a lot more thinking, researching and writing to do. So for now, that's all.

Thanks for reading!

- Eli

spring forward!

good morning from asheville, north carolina. i believe eli has a thoughtful post in the making to share about our experiences at the farm, ida, and the highlander center, but i wanted to share my own brief updates in the meantime.

backtracking to new orleans -- i don't think i mentioned our trip to jean la fitte swamp, where we were sworn into being junior rangers for the first time since joshua tree. this particular park ranger had a little less enthusiasm than the person at j-tree, but we earned our badges nonetheless. we saw alligators, turtles, and snakes! but heard only the distant snort of a wild boar...

then in atlanta, like i wrote briefly earlier, i had a long awaited meeting with my penpal brawny and her amazing companion, freddie mercorgi. it was very special and sweet for me and i liked being called human freddie. i assure you these couple of pictures don't even scrape the surface of how many pictures i took of freddie.

 

we left atlanta and headed for ida, where we stayed for four nights and very much enjoyed unplugging, being around caring and hilarious queers (and their dogs), and hanging out by the beautiful creek running through the land. ida hosted a work party where both eli and i spent the majority of the day assisting chuck (a visiting artist from brooklyn) with the installation of their amazing sculptures of curvy queer bodies. it was kind of ridiculous, in that the sculptures (which started out as 3,000 pound logs) were pretty impossible to move (even with 5+ hearty queers pushing, shoving, and wiggling them with all our might) but eventually our collective brains and brawn made it happen. and they look amazing!! (eli's upcoming blog will include a photo of said installation). our last day in tennessee, we spent an afternoon at short mountain sanctuary where we took a nice walk and made a little music together.

now, we are in asheville, north carolina, one of eli's homes. so far we are having sweet times hanging out with eli's chosen family and mine, as we managed to catch a weird but delightful erica russo show at a whole foods nearby where we're staying. please listen to her album "in between dreams" if you haven't already! we'll be here in asheville for the next 5 days or so, in which we will visit earth haven, the rural wooded community eli used to live in, and hopefully go on mountain adventures!

til next time...

xo freddie