an abundance of chosen family, and finding my voice again

dear friends, long time no blog. we've been in beautiful north carolina for a little over a week now, after spending a week in and around asheville with eli's chosen family, staying a couple nights in durham with my old friend from boston, jessica lee, and now landing in efland (not far from durham) with jess, the sweetie of one of eli's close friends. it's all been pretty lovely.

we've been eating and sleeping pretty well (considering we're on the road) thanks to the generous hospitality of so many caring people, and our own intentionality in getting our needs met and aiming for sustainability on this road trip. one thing i am struggling with as far as road trip life goes, is carving out time and space to exercise. yeah, i've broken out the jump rope and free weights a few times, but it's definitely a challenge to get substantial rigorous exercise as i prefer to, and i feel that lacking in my body and in my brain chemicals. tips for working out on the road welcome!

one way i have been very fulfilled in the past few days was playing music with jessica lee. we used to play together a little bit in boston. playing music has been a pretty significant part of my life since i was 14, but as i've expressed to those close to me, i've found it challenging to tap into my creativity the past year or so, since getting sober. getting sober has been a huge blessing and provided a lot of opportunities for some serious examination, and i've found myself less gregarious, more reserved, and less naturally performative than i used to feel, which has translated into me feeling less connected to and less comfortable jumping into music. but, something clicked when i got to sing and play with jessica lee this weekend, and it felt amazing! we just did a couple covers (sink florida sink by against me, and barnacles by laura stevenson) but it was so fun and felt really healing and at-home to be belting out and harmonizing together, to take up space with these songs. i'll share them here, if you're interested...

in durham, i also got to meet up with some family i hadn't seen in as much as 15 or so years! including my one and only first cousin, josh, with his mom, kersten, and my cousin (once removed? is that the right thing?) mariann. the first and last time i saw josh, he was a tiny baby, and the last time i saw mariann, we were visiting NYC with her mom, my dear and departed aunt anne, and i was reportedly hellbent on the three of us getting on the top of the double decker tour bus, even though it was storming. and, mariann's memory was clear, she got thwacked by a tree branch as we touristed through. and has kept on loving me all these years, regardless! it was really sweet to connect.

moving backwards in time, asheville was really lovely, as was visiting eli's previous home of earth haven eco-village. it was really cool to interview mana, our host and eli's dear friend, for my "home" project, and really inspiring to hear about the culture and community she experiences at earth haven. she described how when she was flying back and forth between there and her native holland to visit a sick friend, she didn't have to worry about childcare or dealing with pressing financial matters, and how she didn't have to cook a meal for at least three weeks after giving birth to her second child (which happened in her living room). it seems so natural to support and care for each other, and share resources in the ways mana described, but i haven't found capitalism/city living lending itself to that natural and beautiful way of being in community. i know lots of city folks have worked hard to build alternative communities and create exceptions to the rule, but the social, economic, and logistical barriers remain. wherever i am, i would love to be a part of creating and contributing to a culture of mutual aid like mana described.

i'd been to asheville before, last may, with eli and a couple friends, and it felt familiar enough to return. it was again special to be in a place that feels like home to eli in lots of ways, and get to know their chosen family even better, through the nature walks, nourishing meals, beyonce viewing party, and rounds of yahtzee and dixit eli wrote about below. i also got to spend a lot of time with a close old friend of mine, erica, who i originally met via myspace about eight years ago and who has since become my sister as we've spent time in boston, portland, new york, and now north carolina. it's special to have a few relationships that see me through what feel like several different lifetimes, and be able to support and celebate the growth between and amongst me and my chosen family.

tonight, we're staying here in efland at jess's dreamy home in the woods, complete with dogs, cats, ducks, chickens, and sweet shaggy goats. tomorrow we head north to virigina to visit a cluster of intentional communities up there before staying with sadie, leo, and patterson, eli's sister, future brother in law, and furry niece! very excited for that. if you've gotten this far, thanks for keeping up with my touchy feely thoughts and examinations. and, happy birthday dad!

xoxo freddie